OPP (Other People’s Pregnancy’s)

Is jealousy an official sin?

Is that why I feel guilty for how I feel toward OPP’s? (read: left-over Catholic guilt)

It’s finally hit me, dammit. OPP’s haven’t really affected me the way they appear to affect others. I’ve always stayed true to the line of “their pregnancy has nothing to do with me - why should their experience alter my feelings about my life?” Oh, for those days to return…

Sister-in law and two co-workers (at the SAME TIME) later, it’s starting to affect me in ways I’m still trying to ignore. I really tried at first - got excited at the news, asked how they were doing, what is the sex, etc. But lately I’ve found I have no empathetic energy to engage with them anymore. For this I feel tremendously horrible and guilty.

What is this about? Does it all come down to jelousy? I want something so badly, have worked hard to get it for over 2 years (though not as hard as my wife, of course), and the three mentioned above have had “oops” pregnancies. I feel like I’d be a “bigger person” if I could put my frustration (and jealousy) beside and felt genuinely happy for them.

But in a way, I do. It’s not that I hate them for being pregnant. It’s just - complicated. To further complicate things, I do not have these feelings for those who have had similar struggles and are now pregnant. I really get why this online community is so important to all of us.

I still don’t know what this feeling is all about. All I know is that I don’t like it. It feels icky and gross and just wrong all-over (for me - no judgement whatsoever toward those who feel it too).

My current goal is to work through it at least a little bit before the baby shower in a few weeks.

TTC folks - any thoughts?