Deepest, Darkest

Sunday Scribblings #53: Deepest, Darkest

My deepest, darkest self will always be an activist.

I’ve sort of always known this, but lately have been thinking a lot about my career change, and how that will affect my activism. My professional career has been solely made up of work that has been directly related to my political passions, and have all been in non-profits (ok, aside from small transitions where I either had to pour espresso or play low-girl on the office totem poll, but thankfully those didn’t last long). Now that I’m transitioning to teaching, part of me has been nervous about how it will feel to not work directly on the issues I care so deeply about.

This weekend my organization put on our yearly activist conference, which I worked at. And I mean worked. I am physically and mentally exhausted. In the moments when I wasn’t running around and could engage with the fabulous people there and listen to presentations, I was enormously moved and inspired. A part of me became sad that this won’t be my professional life anymore.

But is that such a bad thing? I’m thinking more and more that it actually makes more sense. I currently never feel like attending workshops or rallies because they feel too work-related, too much spilling into my personal time. But once I’m not working in this field, focusing on this stuff all day, I might be more inclined to focus my energies and get active on one or two issues I am passionate about.

Because if I’ve learned anything in my adult years, it’s that my deepest, darkest self – the very core of my being, will always be working toward social justice and fighting oppression. This weekend reminded me that, no matter what I do for a paycheck, my passion won’t change. It’s just taking a different form – getting tweaked and re-focused. Meeting my students where they are at and being their advocate and ally is my way of making my passion more tangible and real.

What I love about time and getting older is that while you and your surroundings may change, your deepest, darkest core only gets solidified and more familiar. It becomes a worn-in glove that fits more snugly each time you wear it. It’s the fire inside you – the constant, spiritual inspiration that keeps you in childlike wonder.

Your deepest, darkest self.