Being the wife of a pregnant woman, coming out has a whole new meaning to it. Yesterday: first day of classes, doing the usual interview-your-classmate-and-introduce-them-to-the-class exercise. So I’m paired with a pretty cool guy who is asking me the 4 required questions that are on the board: occupation, academic program, something else mundane I can’t remember, and then “anything else you want to add, like married, etc.” So - I answer all the questions, then add at the end that I am married, since EVERYONE in my program is pretty obsessed talking about their families all the time, and when a classmate recently learned I was married they were completely shocked because I don’t have to talk about it every other second. So - I’ve learned to get it out there, like everyone else. So - when I tell this guy I’m married, he quickly says “Kids?” I pause, then say something like “Well, I’ll be a parent soon, when my wife gives birth in January.” He responds well, saying that should be very exciting, etc. BUT - when it is time to introduce one another, I notice he leaves that part completely out. I can’t say I blame him all that much - it had to have been a shock, and then he would have had to say a phrase to the entire class he has probably never uttered before. So it didn’t surprise me or ruffle my feathers too much, but I decided that when I introduced HIM I didn’t need to mention the fact that he has two kids. 
Thus is the everlasting adventure of coming out as a non-bio mom. I think I had a feeling, in theory, that it would be different, but…um…it REALLY is. I never realized how much I relied on the “oh, you are married!” comment and then, if I’m feeling lazy or just don’t want to deal at that particular moment on that particular day, I don’t have to reveal that I’m married to a woman. I know that those days are gone. My little corners of hiding and momentary safey are dwindling quickly, and I know it’s a great thing, but it’s also kinda sad to see them go. I have to buck up and approach the world with full armor now, and worry instead about protecting someone else. I also need to be a good example that our family is nothing to hide or be ashamed of. And unfortunately, in this world that’s a lot of damn work. But I guess that practice makes perfect…
i KNOW! my standard answer when people ask whether i’m married is “yes, to a woman,” just to get it out there. i like to come out right away, so that it doesn’t feel like i’m hiding it. but it’s just a lot of damn work to come out all the time! but yes, now when people ask if i have kids, i take a deep breath… here we go…