In Awe

It’s hard to describe how it feels the first week you have a new baby - the first week you become a mom. Things so far have been both wonderfully amazing and wonderfully hard. Things that are amazing: his sounds, his eyes, his involuntary half-smiles, times when I catch his eyes and he looks at me for a few seconds like he recognizes me. Things that are hard: dealing with his Jaundice - taking him for bloodwork every morning, becoming swiftly schooled on the difficulties of making medical decisions as a parent, the general worry of parenting a newborn.

I can’t believe he’s been with us a week already. I really don’t know where the time went - first our 3 grueling nights in the hospital, one without him, two with - and then the worry and stress of whether or not we’d be let home because of his Jaundice - it was the best news ever when they said we could go, and we avoided having to put him in the “light box” for who knows how long - and instead they sent us home with a contraption that wraps around his body and has him tethered to the box by a 4-foot hose. It has been hard for us both to see our perfect, sweet boy tied to this machine, and even harder to get the news each day that his count went up, and we can’t take him off yet. A first of many challenges as a parent, I’m sure - but I wasn’t expected it so soon.

ETA: Please, no advice about Jaundice - I’ve talked and read it to death, and at this point just want to focus on talking with our pediatrician on what we need to do. Thanks.