Counting Sheep
18 02 2008It appears in the last couple of days I’ve had a touch of the Insomnia. Mr. E. wakes me up, then I can’t get back to sleep for like HOURS.
I’m tired.
But sleep does not come.
Instead my mind races with a million different thoughts from what time we have to leave the next day to drop off the car for an oil change, to how in the world we’re going to manage to get Mr. E out of our bed someday.
But mostly I’ve been thinking about this: my mom has breast cancer.
I posted recently about how she had a scare a couple weeks ago - had a lump but Dr. said it wasn’t cancer - but somehow now they know that it is. She is having another surgery this coming Thursday, then will find out how much/if it has spread, and plans for chemo and radiation. When she called me she was completely devestated, since she was told she was in the clear before. It’s also such hard news to hear since my Aunt just passed away from breast cancer last fall, and my mom is not that much older than her.
When my Aunt passed away, I posted about my relationship with cancer, so I won’t repeat it here. What makes me the saddest is that when hearing my mom’s news, I felt a familiar defeat to such a pervasive disease. I was in shock for a few days, now I think I’ve hit the anger stage. I know I have not fully accepted it, and I keep trying to think about E’s aunt as an example of the possibility of living with cancer instead of dying from it.
We planned a trip for two weekends from now to visit my parents, and that also keeps me going - I really need to be with my mom right now. I know she’s shocked and terrified, and I want to comfort her as much as I can.
2008 brought us our wonderful Mr. E, but so far the rest has been really. damn. hard.
oh a, sending lots of love and hope your family’s way.
Sorry to hear this terrible news. Sending you thoughts of health and peace for you and your mom.
Oh, my thoughts are with you. It is never easy to receive such astoundingly difficult news. My heart goes out to you & your family. I’ve found that there’s a type of grieving process that goes along with a cancer diagnosis - which doesn’t mean that one is thinking negatively, but once cancer enters your life, your life is never the same. Be kind & gentle to yourself during such a hard time.
Sending lots of healing vibes your mom’s way. xoxo.
I’m so sorry that your mum has been given such a scary diagnosis, especially after being given the all clear. So sorry. Thinking of you.
I am so sorry that this is happening. It’s all the more “kick in the pants” because they gave her the all clear. You all were so relieved and now you have to shift gears.
But I know you will do it. You are a strong family and you will get each other through this and all of the other hard times. Hang in there.
I will be praying for your mom and your family. xo
That is a really crappy shift in events, A., I’m so sorry. Here’s hoping and praying your mom follows E’s aunt’s model. My mom is (knock wood) a survivor of breast cancer.
Thanks so much everyone for your kind words, thoughts and prayers. I’m holding all of them close and they are already helping me through.
I have been pretty disconnected from all of the blog stuff for a while, but something made me decide to check on yours tonight. I am so sorry to hear about your mom’s news. I can’t imagine how anxious you must be, particularly in light of what your aunt went through with this cancer. I will be sending positive thoughts northward for your mom… hoping that her diagnosis is coming at a very early stage and hoping for a good prognosis. Sending lots of love to you. So glad you have time planned with your mom in a couple of weeks. Please let us know if we can do ANYTHING. xo