A.K.A. Heavy-Duty Sperm Handler

So I usually leave this subject up to E. to mull-over publicly (for multiple reasons I won’t go into at this moment) but today is an exception.

I had the day off today, and not too much planned. Well, with the exception of trying to concieve a child. I’ve always been the “sperm fetcher,” mostly because I think E. goes through enough every other day of the month and particularly during these few days. And perhaps for some unknown deep-seeded hetero-normative stuff that, let’s be honest, none of us wish to ponder and examine.

So, I make the appointment to pick up the little swimmers (note to others out there trying to conceive, none of this will be new information for you). Now, we all now that sperm are microscopic, and most of us can venture at least a guess of how much a semen sample is. Cut that by about 1/8 if you are purchasing frozen sperm, which we are. About a quarter’s worth plopped into a very small container. Now, put these containers into a liquid nitrogen tank about - oh - 2 and 1/2 feet high or so. But does it end there? Why, of course not. The tank must be transported from the lab in a “Shipper,” even though we are not transporting more than 25 miles total. Now, this thing is MASSIVE (the picture above is the closest thing I could find). It looks like if the hospital lab got blown up, this thing would be the only thing left standing. It is SERIOUS. It looks like it could fit about 3 large bowling balls on top of one-another, and is TWICE AS HEAVY. No joke. Perhaps I’m a wimp (which I would prefer not to, thanks very much) but from the lab to my car I have to change my grip and hand at least once, and when I can finally put it down my palm is red. It’s a big ‘ole pain in the ass.

Now, for those of you out there who have had a similar experience as a Heavy-Duty Sperm Handler, what do you suppose people who see you think? I mean, the “Shipper” doesn’t really look like it contains microscopic specimens such as sperm. But if you are walking out of a “Reproductive Biology Lab,” and you are female, one might put two and two together. I wonder every time I make this trip: do they assume I’m single? Married to a guy with lazy swimmers? Or do they consider I’m married to a woman? And what do people think of this phenomenon? I’m so used to it by now it feels completely normal to me.

But, geesh, could they figure out a way to give me the little guys in a smaller container?