Woe.

16 07 2008

So I’m working at the customer service desk yesterday and this man approaches me carrying two irons.  He says his wife bought one the other day and he wants to exchange it for another one.  I look at him and think “You are Harry Con*nick Jr.  HOLY F-ING GOD, YOU ARE HARRY CON*NICK JR.”  And I think no – it can’t be – must be one of those strange celebrity look-alikes.  So he doesn’t have his receipt and I have to scan the item and verify his last name to view the purchase, and sure enough he says “Con*nick.”

Woe.

So I complete the transaction, exchange his iron, and can barely look at him because he’s THAT BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON.  I think of a million cheesy things to say to him like “I’m a huge fan….I have a bunch of your albums….etc.” but I decide to be all professional and let him exchange his iron in peace.

Turns out it’s well known that he has a summer home in Chatham, two towns over.

This COMPLETELY made my day, and made my job feel WAY more glamorous than it actually is.  It also made me feel rather school-girl-crushing-on-beautiful-men again, which I admit was kinda fun.

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Kicking my bad mood’s ass

1 07 2008

Moodiness runs in my family.

(as I predictably start with the required blaming-my-mother-for-everything strategy)

But seriously. It’s what I couldn’t stand about my mom while I was growing up – one thing would set her off into a tailspin of brooding and sulkiness, a dark cloud of pissed off hanging over her wherever she went, until eventually after a day or two it wore off. There was no penetrating the thick shield of grumpiness that shrouded her, so I knew when I just had to wait it out until the sting of whatever had hit her wore off.

Whether by nurture or nature, I was pretty much the same as a kid. I can’t tell you how many times relatives would just look at me and say, “Gee, A., smile, would you??” I was probably deeply immersed in sulking about how my mom wouldn’t buy me the new Malibu Barbie Dream Spa. When I got poked and prodded in this way, I felt I was being forced to be happy, and it pissed me off even more. No doubt these people were all plotting to make my life unbearably miserable, and as I figured it, they won.

My sister, born 11 years after me, wasn’t much different. In fact, I think she left the womb in a bad mood. She cried nonstop, and once she was a toddler she screamed bloody murder when she didn’t get her way. Hers was more a pissed-off-bitchy bad mood, whereas my mom and I carry the deep, dark depressed bad mood torch. We’re a pleasant family, really.

So I suppose it’s fitting that around age 29 or 30 we start to see more clearly how we really are just like our mothers, and it scares the shit out of us. We spent our 20’s believing it never happened, and never will, and the sting of denial still hurts. Perhaps our 40’s will be about realizing that we are our just like the good parts of our mothers – one can only hope.

Whoever made up the phrase “woke up on the wrong side of the bed” knew just what he was talking about. Some days feel just like that for me. And I just. can’t. get. out. of. it. It’s an on-going issue, but only surfaces in spurts (please don’t suggest therapy, I’m just not interested). But lately something about the complicatedness of my life – call it maturity – is making me realize I just can’t afford to be in a bad mood. Not like this. Not when I’m blessed to have E., Mr. E. and everyone else in my family and friends – and not when I have to be strong for my mom while cancer is busy kicking her ass. It’s just being bratty, and I’m waaaay too old for that.

I felt this way this morning – I mean the wrong-side-of-the-bed kinda feeling, and I brooded for a bit. Then I realized a day of brooding just makes me feel worse. So I decided I needed to kick my bad mood’s ASS. I can’t explain how I do this, I just know that the phrase explains exactly what it feels like -an inner struggle with me as the winner. And I feel better. Much better.

There. Now I’ll hand you all $70 for my virtual therapy session.





From the Homeland

9 06 2008

*Written this past Saturday morning – didn’t have time to publish this on the road….

We are in Maine for my sister’s graduation – as I type we are in the hotel getting ready for the graduation party and Mr. E is napping. I just got off the phone with the deli owner and told her that I’M DONE!

So we were shopping in Freeport yesterday when I got a call from the department store where I had just interviewed on Thursday. It was to offer me the job! E. and I had already talked about what I would do if this happened, and whether or not I would want to wait and do my 2nd interview with the special needs school. I decided I didn’t – it just didn’t feel like the right place for me – and would have completely taken me out of subbing next fall – and would have been a really, really difficult job. I liked the people a lot at the store, and I really think I would feel proud to work for a 5th-generation family-owned store. So I took it. I struggled a bit about not giving the deli any notice, but I REALLY didn’t want to work there this coming week (I don’t start at the store until a week from Monday). Tuesday is E.’s birthday, and Thursday is out wedding anniversary. So I just told her I wouldn’t be back -and she seemed to take it ok. Yae!! Now my honey and I can have some time to ourselves and be able to celebrate her birthday the way we like – without work ruining it!

I’m happy about my new job – and happy to know that I can make some time next fall to start subbing.

*Added today*

I just stopped by the deli to pick up my last paycheck, and now am convinced THERE IS A GOD because I quit just before this heat wave.  I was drenched in sweat JUST STANDING THERE in the back for 15 minutes – everyone was running around with beads of sweat on their foreheads.  It seems the summer rush has finally arrived there – and I’m gone!  I do feel a tiny bit guilty for leaving her right now, but I spoke with her today and she seems happy for me, and understands that I need a full-time gig with benefits for us and the boy especially.

I am now a Master of Education – whatever that means.  My graduation yesterday was hot, sticky, and surreal.  I just can’t believe the classes I took and the work I did qualifies me for a Master’s, but it seems as though it does.  First Lady Diane Patrick spoke, and between her and another speaker there was much  talk about hope, both in the personal and the political sense.  I know I need some of both myself right now.

My sister, graduating third in her class, gave a speech at her graduation, and it was so great and made me so unbelievably proud.  It was good to have a weekend of celebration, hope, and time to sit and be inspired. Particularly at this time when my mom has had her 7th surgery this year, the most recent the result of incompetent medical professionals (she had to have emergency surgery because of an infection on Saturday that her doctor kept ignoring and downplaying, and almost didn’t make it to my graduation).  The depth of incompetence runs so deep and wide among her medical team that I know she has lost hope in anything changing.  I constantly struggle with living far away and not understanding every detail of the treatment process, and often feel like I should know the ins and outs so well that I could give her some advice.  But breast cancer is so deadly that it holds us hostage in our fear and doubt and we have nothing to rely on accept the doctors and their tenuous knowledge of it.  What are we to do?  We can barely deal with the diagnosis and treatment and the pain let alone figuring out what changes to make and how.  All this frustration and its. only. been. five. months.

Happiness:  I no longer work at the deli.  I have this week off.  My honey turns 30 tomorrow and we get to spend the day together.  I have the best wife in the WORLD.  I have the best son in the UNIVERSE.  I love my family so much.

I keep going, I keep going, I keep going.





We all have our talents

15 11 2007

Er, my last post was a week ago, wha?

To put it mildly, I’ve been busy.  Work, classes, errands, and starting to get REALLY stressed out at trying to set up my student teaching for January.  This usually calm-cool-and-collected chick is starting to freak out.

But I’ve been VERY accomplished, and one thing I’ve been proud to contribute to is the drinking of various amounts of random liquor we have in our cabinet.  Like I told E: “You don’t want to have to MOVE these come June, right?” Then I continue to mix my disgusting mango rum with ginger beer.

Glad to do my part, yo.





Innovation

31 08 2007

I picked up our first farm share today – and was SO EXCITED to get so many yummy veggies.  Tonight I was inspired to create something completely new: chicken baked in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, garlic, shredded carrots and beats, with a side of sauteed swiss chard, onion, garlic, bell pepper and black beans.  YUM.

Farm shares are one thing I’m REALLY going to miss about this area.





Local Bike Ride

23 06 2007



It was such a gorgeous day out today, so I decided to take a bike ride and bring along my camera.  I took some pics along the way – view flickr for the rest.





everyone else is doing it…

18 05 2007

Plus it’s a great time-waster while at work on a Friday afternoon….

To take the Sesame Street personality test, go here.

Your Score: Big Bird

This test measured 3 variables.

First, this test measured how organized you are. Some muppets like Cookie Monster make big messes, while others like Bert are quite anal about things being clean.

Second, this test measured if you prefer a concrete or an abstract viewpoint. For the purposes of this test, concrete people are considered to gravitate more to mathematical and logical approaches, whereas abstract people are more the dreamers and artistic type.

Third, this test measured if you are more of an introvert or an extrovert. By definition, an introvert concentrates more on herself and an extrovert focuses more on others. In this test an introvert was somebody that either tends to spend more time alone or thinks more about herself.

You are very organized, both concrete and abstract, and more extroverted.

Here is why are you Big Bird.

You are both very organized. You almost always know where your belongings are and you prefer things neat. You may even enjoy cleaning and find it therapeutic. Big Bird is never sloppy and always under control… pretty good for a 6 year old bird living without a family.

You both are sometimes concrete and sometimes abstract thinkers. Big Bird can be quite dreamy at times and has no problem using his imagination. At the same time he is also practical and can be methodical in his search for answers to questions. You have a good balance in your life. You know when to be logical at times, but you also aren’t afraid to explore your dreams and desires… within limits of course.

You are both extroverts. Big Bird gets along with everyone. He makes friends easily and always has a positive attitude. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don’t have problems meeting new people… in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team.

The other possible characters are

Oscar the Grouch
Bert
Snuffleupagus
Ernie
Elmo
Kermit the Frog
Grover
Cookie Monster
Guy Smiley
The Count